meanwhile, in world literature...

she says, has anyone ever heard the name or term machiavelli before and where?
i know this... i know this... this is my chance to add to the class discussion
i blurt out, tupac!
what!
tupac!
oh, i've never heard that before. i'm not sure i know what you are talking about.
what! don't know what i am talking about?
all eyes are on me now...
quickly i scan the room looking for some kind of confirmation from another student but they're shaking their heads no. some say i'm thinking of something else.
i plead my case further.
didn't mackiavelli say something about staging one's own death in order to maintain or gain political power? makaveli, although spelled differently, was the name used for two of tupac's videos released after his so called death. weird...
the teacher says she is not sure. never really heard of that.
what's going on here? am i the only thug in the class? i really don't even listen to rap music.
maybe tupac is a little before their time. i probably am one of the older students in the class.
i slide down into my chair and refrain from offering any more obscure references for the rest of the day.

i think i am done for now...

i have been typing a paper on faith transcending reason represented by beatrice and virgil in dante's divine comedy. plenty of good intentions here but i think i have entered a realm i'm not quite capable of handling. i kicked off my holiday break by going to the library to do some research for this paper and i had to end my thanksgiving festivities a little early today to come home and type. i guess that's what happens when you put the paper off for so long. i'm close to being done. i should have it knocked out tomorrow. i picked up the smashing pumpkins machina album from the library and i've been listening to it while i've been typing. it's pretty good. man, i'm tired.

definitely done for now...

dark to light...

9:00am. this seems to be my start time nowadays. i had such good intentions on getting up at 8:00 but somehow i ended up hitting the snooze button...six times. i slid on my running shorts, laced up my asics and went for a run around the block. Today was literally just that. A run around the block. I haven't gone running since Monday and who knows when the last time I ran outside was. Usually it's on a treadmill, nice and flat terrain in an air-conditioned room with a tv in front of me. It's cool and brisk this morning. A mist escapes my mouth when I breath. i stretch out and take off down the road. I feel good.

I felt good...

My legs are burning now. The mist is thicker with each heavy breath I take. I’m not doing so hot. Almost home.

Home now. Sweating like crazy. I make a shake and then get on the computer to check my e mail. I get one from a friend who brings so much encouragement to my day. She reminds me that we are God's workmanship, His poem, His masterpiece, His creation. this comes from the book of Ephesians chapter 2 verses 8-10 which ironically is the theme verse for our youth program at church. it's funny how you can sometimes preach all year on a certain topic and then forget to apply it to your own life. she also mentioned the contrast of light and dark (epheisans 5:8-10). it's because of our darkness that we are able to see the light. i realized this a little more clearer one afternoon earlier this year while sitting on a pinic table at pine cove looking out over the lake. it had been rainy all day but as the sun was setting the clouds started to break and the contrast of the dark rain clouds and the bright light of the sun was incredible. i quickly sketched out the trees in front of me. it was where the darkest of dark met with the lightest of light that the sharpest, most clear contrast could be made. it was radiant and intense as the light over took the darkness.

i was once a child of darkness but now i am a child of light. Praise be to God who causes all things to work for good to those who are in Christ Jesus and who will perfect His good work in us until Christ's return.

because i have a test...

it's now close to nine o'clock in the am. brent and i have been watching the line at starbucks fluctuate in length for about a half hour. we exchange a few more lines from saturday night live then decide to line up with the masses for our fix. i try again to explain to brent that a soy chai will not make him a woman but he still won't try one. we returned to our seats outside only to find that the magazine i had strategically placed on the table beforehand was now covered by some man's book. clearly he does not understand the coffee shop code for reserving tables. i wanted to toss a coffee bomb his way but instead i collected what belonged to me and found another table. he looked pretty established so i let him be.

brent and i talked more about life, church, the flowerplex. we talked about being honest and transparent. we talked about the kids in our youth group. i told him i'm having a hard time moving on, moving away from the past. i'm having a hard time trusting God and seeing myself washed clean by His grace. like when it seems like God is giving me something my reaction tends to be, "are you sure you want to give that to me?"

some baristas joined us outside during their break. i had my copy of relevant magazine sitting on the table and one of them asked me if she could read it after noticing mase on the cover. she said she grew up listen to him and was excited that he was a "preacher" now. she asked me if she could hold onto the mag for a day to read the article. i told her she could have it. hopefully she will read more than the mase article.

the rain is coming down harder now. my chai is cooling off. i looked at my watch. it read 10:05. i need to leave for school.

the windshield wipers on my car move a little slower these days which is impairing my vision and making the drive difficult. there are moments during the drive when everything in front of me is a gray blur. the rain is coming down hard. my wheels catch and drag in the puddles on the highway. i thought for sure that the backwash from the mack truck next to me would send me into a flat spin like maverick in top gun and send me off into on-coming traffic. if it wasn't for my test in world literature i would have left the drive for someone else.

the test today is all essay. the teacher gave us four pieces of text from the various works we have read in class. we had to pick two of them and identify the name of the work, the author and the significance of the writing. i knew all of them, picked the two i thought i knew the most about and then started to write. hopefully i wrote enough. i've never been good at that whole writing thing.

the drive back home after spending a grand total of thirty four minutes on campus is much the the same as the drive to school. rainy. i took it slow. however despite the fact that i was traveling under the speed limit most of the time the trip didn't feel any longer. maybe it was because i couldn't see anything. or maybe its because the sweet tunes from jimmy eat world spinning in my dash preoccupied my thoughts. who knows. i'm home.

i'm a big fan of the cooler weather. even though my blood is thin and the circulation to my phalanges(sp?) isn't that great causing serious frost bite, i am enjoying these cool, overcast days.

i'm heading to fort worth with some good friends this afternoon to do who knows what. so i'm bringing a camera.

my mom asked me if i want to go get some coffee saturday morning and then go look for a dog at an adopt a pet. i feel like a little kid after writing that last sentence but i am excited none the less. our current dog isn't doing so hot. i'm afraid this winter season might break her spirit.

lets see...what else. i got nothing. today's been pretty good so far. got a fat review sheet for my world lit test on monday so i need to get crackin' on that.

ok, i'm out...

can i get an AMEN!!!

today for class we had a local pastor come in and give the lecture. he kicked things off talking about virtues and then opened things up for questions and discussion. for the next hour we were hit with his three points to this, five concepts of that, seven sources for this, 40 days of (insert relevant word here) and a barrage of amens. oh, and i can't forget about his acrosstic for "WORD". i don't know what it is but i just shut down when someone says, "let me give you my five points to living a virtuous life. " and why are we still using cute acrosstics to define or clarify other words? i'm somewhat frustrated now not only with the pastor but with myself for thinking he could have giving a better lecture.

sometimes you have to wait until the end of the season to see the fruits of your labor...

this past weekend was an incredibly busy one for me. brent preached in big church which left me in charge of the high school sunday school. i've never taught high school before so i was a little nervous. to make things even more crazy, most of the youth staff were out enjoying honeymoons and what have you so i had to sort of build a crew to help me out. thankfully my buddy jude came through and taught the junior high sunday school while i took care of the announcements and the high school lesson. hey, announcements are a big deal at our church. i really think that being able to do the announcements is one of the spiritual gifts. well not really but a lot goes into announcement time for the sunday school classes. but all in all i think things went well. for high school we've been on this head to heart series and looking at how the christian walk fleshes itself out. so for sunday night i thought we would just have a night of prayer and praise. give the students a chance to reflect on their spiritual walk and what that means to them. i had the kids get into small groups and i told them to first get to know each other and then pray for each other. i don't know how many of them really got around to praying but hopefully a little bit of unity developed. i think the night went pretty well.

on top of having to prepare for sunday i officially became a wedding singer this weekend. what originally started out as me backing up william on guitar for three songs to be played as people filed in at the beginning of the wedding turned into three songs to be played during the ceremony in addition to twenty minutes of prelude music. so saturday morning, the day of the wedding at around eleven, william and i with guitars in hand were trying to come up with enough wedding appropriate music to play before the ceremony that would last twenty minutes. i really only know worship songs and he just freestyles so we did our best to combine to two. we came up a little sort in the prelude and had to repeat a song and we farted on some chords during canon in d but i don't think anyone noticed. a woman did ask william and i if we had a business card. we'll be kickin' off our wedding tour next month.

some other randomness:

-i helped another turtle across the road today.

-during a class discussion on friday a girl mentioned that the jewelry store james avery will be discontinuing much of their jewelry with crosses on them because that particular symbol is no longer popular. that's kind of a sad thought really. the cross no longer being popular.

-when the guy last night at wingstop asked me for my name so he could write it on the order i told him my name was bono. misunderstanding what i said he repeated back to me "boner". i told him no and decided i should probably change it to "the edge". he looked at me kind of funny but said ok. when i finally got my order the guy informed me that my new name was "bonito". i guess somebody thinks i'm cute.

-i love eggnog lattes.

freshman guys bible study: part three...

only two guys showed up tonight for bible study. maybe its the weather or maybe they all have to study for a test. maybe they've come down with a bad case of CRS disease. it was kind of disappointing. but whatever the cause of their absence may be we made the best of the evening by watching "aisha" videos on ebaums world, played a few rounds of halo, and then hauled off to goatman's bridge out in copper canyon for a little late night scare. we were going to go to the bridge last week with it being halloween and all but we never made it. plus we wanted to get some info on the whole goatman story first. legend has it that if you drive out to the bridge at night and honk your horn 12 times the goatman will appear. its still sketchy as to how the goatman came into existence to begin with but i heard that long ago a man was hanged from that bridge wearing the head of a goat over his. when whoever murdered the man returned for the body the only thing left was the rope still attached to the bridge. the goatman was gone. but strange things have occurred since then to motorists who have crossed that bridge. cars have stalled out. doors locking and unlocking randomly. and some have seen what looks to be like lanterns floating about six feet off the ground over the creek below the bridge. ok, now i am a little scared. i think i just wet my pants. here's an interesting, non-scary fact about the bridge: it was built in 1884 by the King Iron and Bridge Manufacturing Company of Cleveland, Ohio, and stands alone as the last remaining Pratt Truss Bridge in Denton County.

so that's all i got. i hope the boys had fun. next week we'll spend more time in the word.

roll out the red carpet...

I was trying to remember a dream I had earlier in between the snooze on my alarm clock when I was chased out of bed by the guys coming to replace our carpet. I was close to getting up anyway but when some strange man charged into my room with a tape measurer and a box cutter I figured, why fight it, I'm up. Our house is a wreck right now. My bedroom has relocated to the living room/dining room/garage. My stuff is everywhere. Hopefully this will all be over soon. One thing I have learned so far from this whole experience is to buy lighter furniture.

When the warrior embraced me...

"It was long ago, I remember it still, that i was hewn down at the wood's edge, taken from my stump. Strong foes seized me there, hewed me to the shape they wished to see, commanded me to lift their criminals. Men carried me on their shoulders, then set me on a hill; foes enough fastened me there. Then i saw the Lord of mankind hasten with stout heart, for he would climb upon me. I dared not bow or break against God's word when i saw earth's surface tremble. I might have felled all foes, but I stood fast. Then the young Hero stripped himself, that was God Almighty, strong and stouthearted. He climbed on the high gallows, bold in the sight of many, when he would free mankind. I trembled when the Warrior embraced me, yet I dared not bow to earth, fall to the ground's surface; but I must stand fast. I was raised up, a cross; I lifted up the Mighty King, Lord of Heavens: I dared not bend. They pierced me with dark nails; the wounds are seen on me, open gashes of hatred. Nor did i dare harm any of them. They mocked us both together. I was all wet with blood, drenched from the side of that man after he had sent forth His spirit. I had endured many bitter happenings on that hill. i saw the God of Hosts cruelly racked. The shades of night had covered the Ruler's body with their mists, the bright splendor. Shadow came forth, dark beneath the clouds. All creation wept, bewailed the King's fall; Christ was on Cross.

this piece of text comes from an old english poem called The Dream of the Rood. the author is unknown. the story is anthropomorphic written in the perspective of the cross. what grabbed my attention was when the Cross says, "i trembled when the Warrior embraced me." In the same sentence the author not only reveals Christ's compassion but also calls Him Warrior. A characteristic the Jews wanted and something i think the modern christian often neglects. when espn was broadcasting out of iraq a few weeks ago the general of the army would greet the soldiers by saying, "good morning, warriors." what if our pastors greeted us the same way?

there were times in my life when friday night was guaranteed to be a night out hanging with friends. not having plans could possibly move you down to the "uncool" level in the social hierarchy. that was important to me in high school. and even a couple years into college. but now i'm totally ok with spending a friday night alone.

last night i went out for dinner with my parents to palios pizza. a local flavor here in the flowerplex that i would suggest you try if you haven't yet. then my parents split for a night of dancing and went home. i watched the movie thirteen, which i thought was very good, then i spent the rest of the night on my back porch reading next to the chimenea with the rain falling through the trees. very relaxing i must say.

today i have to paint the "barn" in our back yard and then it's off to see the greatness of the david crowder band down in dallas tonight.

today i need...

vision to see past the stereotypes...

wisdom to think past the cliches...

a boldness to speak what's on my mind...

and a love that is not of me...

on the road again...

right now i am milking a post-coffee/caffeine headache, the atmosphere in the classroom is hot and sticky and my right eye keeps twitching. i'm writing just to stay awake. seems i've been lacking the much needed energy to get through the day lately. but on a more positive note i did happen to score a really good parking spot on campus not once, but twice despite all the congestion caused by the job fair DBU is hosting today. i also had a really good drive to school. i listened to some old school jimmy eat world and death cab for cutie and i had some nice reflection time. today i realized that i have to make that forty minute drive to and from school whether i like it or not and it's up to me to make the best of it. most people try to tell me that my commute sucks but it really doesn't. it gives me at least eighty minutes a day to think, pray, and sing when nobody else can hear me.

cellphones: roadside help, hazard...

this really isn't going to be some profound thought. that was never the intention. just an observation i made during my trek to school this morning. i was sitting at an intersection in town. in the lane directly opposite from me a man appeared to be having some trouble with his car. the car was stopped in the middle of the lane, hazard lights off, and the owner of the vehicle was pacing around the car while chatting on his cellphone. meanwhile traffic continued to make its way around this new obstacle. while this man's use of the cellphone was probably securing aid to his troubled car, it also brought him within inches of becoming someone's hood ornament. oblivious to the ongoing traffic, this preoccupied man paced in and out of turning lanes and traffic as he moved around his car. i watched from across the intesection as this unfortunate event came closer to becoming more unfortunate as cars dodged the immobile car and then the distracted cellphone-yaking man.

so that's what i got so far. i'm heading to class now. and remember that when you're chatting on your cellphone there is a world spinning on around you. try to step out of the mess for a second. i just don't think cars and cellphones mix very well, whatever the case may be.

ok, i gotta go.

well done boys. looks like the ax will stay one more year in the hands of our beloved marcus marauders.

under the boardwalk...

this weather has been incredible these past few days. i've had the window open and the a/c off. last night the wind blowing through the trees sounded like waves breaking along the coastline. it reminded me of times spent up in strathmere new jersey at my grandparents beach house. i really love spending summers up there, but it's been a while since i've paid a visit to the southern coast of the garden state. my family would spend anywhere from one to three weeks at the beach house every other summer. each day would involve waking up around nine, eating a hearty breakfast consisting of fruit (grandma always made us eat fruit) followed by as much crumb cake we could get away with. then we would pack a lunch, gather up the boogie boards and beach chairs and walk across the street to the beach. we would spend hours swallowing surf, collecting shells, creating castles only to watch the tide slowly destroy them. sometimes the best part was trying to drive off the relentless waves with a giant wall of sand. the waves would always win. we would usually wrap up the day at the beach around four or five in order to get ready for the evening events which would include a "friendly" round of putt-putt golf or an off broadway show in atlantic city, or maybe just an ice cream run followed by people-watching on the boardwalk in ocean city. i love the boardwalk in ocean city. the sound of the ocean washing up underneath the wooden planks, the smell of fudge and carmel popcorn. people everywhere. carnival rides and annoying seagulls. it's such a fun way to end the day. to me one of the best feelings in the world is the feeling you get from spending the day at the beach. your hair is wind blown and salty, feet callous and dry, back and shoulders are burned, and your tired. the shower feels great afterwards and dinner is even better. i remember one time laying in bed and i could still feel my body rising and falling with the tide. then i would fall asleep only to do it all over again the next day.

so my grandparents have a beach house in the garden state that can sleep eight. road trip anyone? the sign ups begin today.

meant to live...

for those of you who know me you would know that i am a pretty serious switchfoot fan. i love those guys. i think if i could be in anyone else's shoes it would be theirs. surf-rockers from southern california. i mean...come on! anyway, i popped in their newest album today just so i could listen to the ever so popular rock ballad meant to live. i felt it was quite appropriate for the moment. some people might think of me as being cynical, maybe judgmental, others may consider me malcontent. but whatever the case may be i can't help looking at life with the mindset that we are created to live for so much more than what we settle for. so much more than what society hands us. this afternoon i played the song over and over again while singing at the top of my lungs. sometimes i feel like we burn away long hours in the day just to meet the status quo but never truly begin to live. if you think i am cynic please be patient with me. i don't have the answers cause i'm still learning how to breathe in these abundant skies.

by the way, switchfoot will be in concert down in austin on november 13th i believe. anyone up for a road trip?

Jesus wept...

i pulled out my gray slacks from the closet and attempted to put them on. no amount of inhaling or sucking in of the stomach could get these pants around my waist. it has been a long time since i put on some nice clothes and with the selection in my closet it showed. i settled for the black pin-stripes i got from target and a dark green shirt. today i am going to my first funeral. a long time friend of the family died last friday from a sudden heart attack. right now i need to back track for a second as best as i can so that all this will make a little more sense.

my parents came to the great state of texas back in '77 or '78. my dad took a job with Texas Instrument after graduating college and with his new bride left family and friends in new jersey to pursue a new chapter in their life down in richardson, tx. in what i have understood to be a stormy season in their life God brought to them a wonderful couple haling from the chicago area in pursuit of a professional golf career down in dallas. the schindlers entered into my parents life and shortly there after Jesus enter also. a bible study formed which would include others but most importantly for this particular blog would include the brown family. kim and mary brown, bob and beth schindler, and my parents seem to have formed an incredible bond which was so evident this past week during the funeral events. i know that the first year or two before my birth and at least the first five years of my life my parents had a close friendship with these people i think mostly due to the fact that both the browns and my parents where now exploring the world in light of their new birth as christians. i can only draw from stories i have heard and very vague memories but i think this was a very exciting time for all of them. as time went by, more kids were born and families moved further apart, it became harder and harder to keep a close connection.

so when the news came to me saturday morning that kim brown had died that friday my heart sank. in one weekend a monsoon of memories separated by almost two decades came flooding back to my parents. a friendship that was mostly kept together by Christmas cards was now bittersweetly revived and reunited. the schindlers flew in from north carolina and stayed at our house for the weekend. the funeral would be held on tuesday.

what happened the next few days seemed too much like a movie. i felt as if i should have had a camera to capture the dialogue that transpired. a death in the family brings these couples back together and the importance of having and maintaining an unmasked, raw, honest, and caring friendship is realized. the schinlders entered back into our lives as if they had never been gone. even though it had been years since we had last seen them catching up with them didn't take long. there was something about this relationship that seemed so real, so authentic. as i sat in the back of the car and listened to my mom and "aunt" beth talk back and forth while we drove to the funeral i heard my mom commuicate in a way i am not sure i have heard her communicate with anyone else before. it's so hard to explain but there was a beautiful bond there. the same could be said with the browns. althought i wasn't around as much as my mom was that weekend i will never forget the exchange of words and the heartfelt expressions that occurred when we left the funeral reception at the brown's house. as we said goodbye, beth, mary, and mom stood around each other and confessed how much they wished they kept in better touch and how much each of our families have paralleled the other.

i realize more and more now that an authentic relationship with someone takes much effort to pursue. it takes honesty and a willingness to ask the hard questions that dig deep into someones life. it takes time. it's takes sacrifice. it takes love. it takes going out of your way and hanging up your desires for a moment to share in someone elses. at first glance it can seem hard but what i saw this weekend made it worth the pursuit. i am so thankful for what i got to see a glimpse of this weekend. i pray for mary brown, her two sons matt and jeffery and her daughter heather that they will find comfort and understanding in all of this. i know kim brown is now in heaven. the funeral was nice. i can't imagine what would be going through a non-christian's mind while sitting in a funeral. seems like it would be a pretty depressing experience.

which brings me to my next thought about last weeks events. during the drive back to my house after all the funeral events, my godfather, psuedo-uncle, and friend bob schindler and i discussed funeral events and how christians should view them. in my immaturity i told him that i want my funeral to be more like a celebration. a party more or less. no need to be sad. bob them began to talk about one of his favorite passages found in the book of john, chapter 11 which talks about Jesus raising lazarus from the dead. although Christ knew that Lazarus would "awaken" again, when he saw the jewish people gathering around the tomb weeping he was deeply moved and in the sortest verse in the bible verse 35 says, "Jesus wept." it seems that there is a time for mourning. that there is a time to be sad. kim brown will be missed and my heart weeps with the family but i rejoice knowing that he is in fellowship now with our creator and heavenly father.

to all the Christians who are voting for bush because you are a Christian...

GET OVER IT!!!!

to all the Christians who feel pressured by other Christians to vote for bush because you are Christian...

GET OVER IT!!!

you guys are all lame. God is not a republican or a democrat. be the change you want to see and stop using God as a political agenda. i don't think our country is going to be any more "blessed" with either one of those dudes running it. if anything vote for pedro sanchez. he offers you his protection.

i love cool damp nights like tonight. the kind of nights the street lights reveal the slowly falling mist and you can see your breath when you exhale. nights like these just seem more peaceful. they bring back great memories.