i was reading in 1st peter today about being a living stone and i was wondering why peter would say that. aside from the obvious correlations with the word 'stone', the word 'living' in particular stuck out to me. i have a pretty cool saltwater aquarium at my house with some colorful rock pieces. well when i purchased the rock when i was setting up the tank i had the option of buying more expensive rock known as "live rock". the reason it was called that was not because the rock itself was alive but because what was in the rock was alive. so my tie in is that it's only by Christ living in us that we can become living stones. he came that we might have life and have it abundantly.

so i rented the movie elephant the other day. a film written and directed by Gus Van Sant. pretty heavy stuff. despite the raw and disturbing violence this movie portrayed about a fictional school shooting i actually enjoyed the film. it was much like the way i would want to make a movie aside from the plot. the movie didn't have to make up a story or build up the characters. basically everything is already in motion and you, the viewer, just has to step in. the dialogue was simple and limited. everything about the movie was raw. raw, real, deep, simple, beautiful, painful, and unsettling. i liked it and would recommend it, but beware! it doesn't have a happy ending by any means. some people might need to chase it down with a little saturday night live: the best of will ferrel.

The Pepsi Smash-Ups

yesterday i watched a show that i normally, well, never watch only because my favorite band in the world href="http://www.switchfoot.com">switchfoot was performing on the WB's Pepsi Smash. the significance of the show was that switchfoot was going head to head with this band sugarcult for the encore and the viewing audience could vote on the internet for who they thought should come back and play. so i went and voted, and voted, and voted again but when it came time to announce the winner sugarcult got the encore and played pretty much the same little pop-punk song they played earlier. yes, i was a little disappointed. well, today i got an e mail saying that there was an error in the counting and that switchfoot actually won the encore. so to whom it may concern switchfoot will be performing dare you to move on the WB's pepsi smash off this sunday around 4pm or 5pm for the real encore.

i read somewhere that every heart is a profound mystery to the heart beating nearest it. and that's how i felt as our van left the el paso city limits around five in the morning and i looked off towards juarez, mexico, now just a black valley pitted by millions of fuzzy lights glowing burnt orange. yes, the lights where fuzzy, but that's because everything is fuzzy at five in the morning. but i couldn't stop thinking about the families we built the houses for. the kids we played soccer with. the old men sitting on cracked buckets outside their cardboard homes watching us ever so closely as we drove by. "where is the hope in all of this" my mind echoed. is it possible to ever leave the barrios of juarez and start a new life? do these people even want to leave or are they content to build cardboard house upon cardboard house for the generations to come? honestly i don't think these people really have a choice and as i watched those millions of tiny lights glow off in the distance that morning, the poverty of humanity slapped me in the face. i felt overwhelmed. i felt helpless. i saw something scary, something much bigger than me. i want to give up but i can't because Christ's love compels me and i know that there is a needy heart attached to those glowing lights. i can't imagine giving up now. i want people to know the hope and joy that comes in knowing Christ. i want this world to be fixed. i discovered this past week that as a Christian there is now room for hopelessness. or at least there shouldn't be. now lets make this clear that there is a difference between hopelessness and doubt. doubting is ok. it's just what you do with the doubt that can be bad. you still have a fighting chance with doubt. however, with hopelessness everyone goes home and nobody wins. you've pretty much thrown in the towel. the first couple of days in the barrio i was hopeless. hopeless that nothing would ever change for these people. but like i had said once before, sometimes my big ideas are no bigger than me. i was frustrated with my limitations. i wanted to believe that the three houses we built that week meant nothing in the grand scheme of things but i know that i would be missing the point entirely. there seemed like so many more people out there who needed help. but i'm so thankful that i don't have to fix everything. i am thankful that i don't need to fix everything. i am thankful that the God i have hope in is so much bigger than me and i hope i die trying to tell people that. it's my prayer that hopelessness would never be a stumbling block for any believer. may we never lose sight of the hope that is in God through Christ Jesus. we live in a world in need but let us not lose heart but run the race with endurance.

oh...what's that...one more caramel frappuccino?

here's to my new summer job.

but i didn't even drink the water

despite my best efforts to remain healthy i think mexico has gotten the best of me. i can't say i have ever felt this way before. my stomach keeps telling me that i am hungry but anything and everything i put down there gets rejected in the worst way. i haven't had a good night's rest since i've been back because even my dreams are about being sick. but other than being dehydrated and not getting to eat solid foods i had an incredible time in juarez, mexico last week.

our group put up three houses in four days with time to spare. it was pretty easy this year. too easy. in fact, my site finish several hours a head of the other groups so we had to think up some pretty cool games to pass time which involved throwing rocks and my shoes.

we had a few interruptions by some dust storms this year but i was pretty well acclimated to them after spending some time in west texas and new mexico. you know they say that the reason asians have such narrow eyes is because over time their top eye lid grew bigger to help protect their eyes from harsh dusty environments. so i've heard.

i got to hang with some pretty cool kids last week. played battleship with kristy brown, taught a pottery class with kate semmelbeck, and shook it like a polaroid with craig cannon. i got to lead worship again this year and it was encouraging to see how much the kids really got into it. now matter how much blood, sweat, and tears you put into this youth ministry stuff, i am slowly starting to realize why brent says he hopes to be doing this the rest of his life.

it's was truly an incredible week.

there's a little storm chaser in all of us


just when you get used to the different shades of blue, the sky gets splashed with a little of this.