when it sinks in...

waiting at the crosswalk for the light to change. i'm enveloped by a hot breeze mixed with the smell of exhaust as cars and city buses pass by. chirp, chirp, chirp. the pedestrian signal indicates that it is my turn to cross the street. around the corner and up the brick steps. a sheep dog with two different colored eyes waits patiently outside the door for its owner to return. "hey fella!" i pass through the awkwardly large double doors. the busyness inside is distracting but i make my way to the back of the building where the book drop is located. people looking for jobs on the internet. homeless men reading the newspaper. hipsters perusing the foreign film section. i quickly check the magazine section, then the cooking section, and then with unrealistic ambition i check to see if there are any books on woodworking. "when am i going to have time for that?"

its always the same. except for today. today it feels different. whenever i go to the library i scan the room. searching for a familiar face. a face i know takes advantage of the library much better than i. but today i realized walking into that space that i don't need to search anymore. that face won't be there. not at the computers or in the back corner thumbing through CDs. today it sunk in a little more that my brother-in-law jay no longer lives in portland. today i miss him.

time...

these days my life feels very segmented. i've been taking it 2 to 3 months at a time. mostly school dictates this which is on a quarter system. each term brings a new set of classes. a new schedule to juggle. which includes my job. finding quality time with my wife. i go commercial salmon fishing during the summer which adds another segment to my life.

so my year breaks down into groups of months. those break down as well. all the way down to days. its kind of sad but i am thankful for the longer days with more sunlight. I feel like I can get more done. I've been trying to make 7 AM a habitual time to wake up. my wife might not be too excited about this. but i feel like its time for me to make the most of each day. to cram as much in as possible. i've kept a planner for a few years now. but lately i feel like i've had to be more realistic about what I can accomplish each day. i can't be like, maybe today i'll work out and do yard work. no. everything has an allotted time slot and a realistic amount of time allotted. if its not realistic it will never get done. its a good habit for me to practice.

this weeks schedule:

Monday: Morning - homework - work on building codes project, ARCH 101 project at school.

Afternoon - read

Evening - make dinner (something out of jamie oliver's cook book, run with mish

Tuesday: Morning - homework - midterm

Afternoon - Work

Evening - bike ride to portland art museum and dinner at a food cart

Wednesday: Morning - read

Afternoon - Work, class

Evening - class

Thursday: Morning - Homework, catch up on reading, work out

Afternoon - Work

Evening - Work, run with mish

Friday: Morning - Class

Afternoon - Relax

Evening - dinner out, and Cirque du Solei

Saturday: Morning - open

Afternoon - Work

Evening - Work, run with mish

Sunday: Morning - maybe a bike ride with friends

Afternoon - maybe a bike ride with friends

Evening - church

not a bad week.

april felt like the longest month

but now i feel as if i won't be able to keep up with may.

the weather has been unpredictable.

i've been trying to start a vegetable garden.

but the rain has been coming down hard.

spring is such a mixed bag in portland.

the flowers and trees are all in bloom.

its beautiful. breathtaking.

but in any given 24 hour period you can be enjoying a book on the porch with the warmth of the sun on your face only to be driven inside by pounding rain and hail.

just wait ten minutes and you can get back out on the porch.

i honestly can't wait for summer.

i feel like i still have my winter coat on.