when it sinks in...
waiting at the crosswalk for the light to change. i'm enveloped by a hot breeze mixed with the smell of exhaust as cars and city buses pass by. chirp, chirp, chirp. the pedestrian signal indicates that it is my turn to cross the street. around the corner and up the brick steps. a sheep dog with two different colored eyes waits patiently outside the door for its owner to return. "hey fella!" i pass through the awkwardly large double doors. the busyness inside is distracting but i make my way to the back of the building where the book drop is located. people looking for jobs on the internet. homeless men reading the newspaper. hipsters perusing the foreign film section. i quickly check the magazine section, then the cooking section, and then with unrealistic ambition i check to see if there are any books on woodworking. "when am i going to have time for that?"
its always the same. except for today. today it feels different. whenever i go to the library i scan the room. searching for a familiar face. a face i know takes advantage of the library much better than i. but today i realized walking into that space that i don't need to search anymore. that face won't be there. not at the computers or in the back corner thumbing through CDs. today it sunk in a little more that my brother-in-law jay no longer lives in portland. today i miss him.
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