SKETCHES FROM WHEREVER

i'm sure some time down the road i'll be eating my own words...

-therefore i urge you, brethren by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.
Romans 12:1

as a worship leader for the youth at my church i have to say that i wrestle with trying to understand the concept of worship. when i re-entered life in the DFW area back in august of last year i had some grand plans to revamp the worship at my church. especially with the youth. when i was out in lubbock i was privileged to experience great worship led by musicians such as shane barnard, david crowder or robbie seay. every once in a while the passion tour would roll through bringing in chris tomlin and speaker louis giglio(sp?) . lubbock was spilling over with praise bands each one with decent talent. you could literally go to a worship gathering every night of the week. my friends and i chose to go to one that got together every tuesday night for about an hour and a half. it was mostly singing. maybe some prayer. maybe some scripture reading. but mostly singing. my first two year of school i remember thinking, "this is it, this is real worship." the songs are so good and the band plays long enough to allow you to "enter in." i think i tried to remind myself that worship can manifest itself in many different forms but there was something about singing that made that spiritual buzz so much more evident and even tangible.

two years of this would go by of hopping from worship gathering to worship gathering. some even took place in my roommates and my house. singing and praying all night. we were so spiritual. but something began to rub me wrong. something didn't click. in the middle of singing on a tuesday night i would find myself getting frustrate with all the singing. sometimes it was even annoying to listen to. i wanted to much rather spend time talking with the kids skate boarding in the parking lot outside. i wanted to spend time at a bar talking with a stranger. i wanted to be away from my christian friends just for a little bit. i wanted to be salt and light. i wanted to stop doing the "church thing".

over the years i have realized how easy it can sometimes be to get into a self-seeking frame of mind. to view my relationship with God as nothing more but a "thank you for saving me!" you have done such great things for me. and to continually reaffirm that through singing until i feel that i thanked him enough.

i recently went to mardel christian store to find some worships cds not only for myself but for the youth at my church. i remember returning to church after my trek to the store empty handed and telling my youth pastor that this so called modern worship movement is just plain cheesy. some of these song lyrics where so silly.

i just got back from a mission trip to houston last week which was probably one of the most incredible experiences i've gotten to be apart of. to me this trip seemed more like Romans 12:1 than anything else i have ever done. no amount of singing could compare with what we did in a week.

so i find myself constantly asking the question, "why do we sing?" and as i head back in to this fall semester i am still not sure about the answer. i don't want to provide that spiritual buzz for the youth that i so quickly jumped on my first couple years in college. more than anything i want these kids to understand that they are loved by God and that a relationship with Him is necessary. i want these kids to serve others before they serve themselves. and not because the church tells them to but because they understand that all have fallen short and that there is a desperate need for the world to know God.

i think there are several thoughts aggressively colliding here so my typing seems a bit dis-jointed. i think i need to stop for now.