SKETCHES FROM WHEREVER

did i ever tell you about the time...

i almost killed matt chandler. no, seriously, i almost killed him. not intentionally i must say. i don't have anything against the guy, in fact i kind of like him, but there was a day in my life when our paths crossed and i almost lit him on fire. so let me explain.

for those of you who don't know matt or have not at least heard his name pass from the lips of a twenty-something evangelical don't feel too left out. he is currently pastoring a church in highland village, texas. he's young, he's fresh, and very popular with the college and young adult crowd. he's loud, he's tall, and you can't help but mimic his hand gestures while he preaches. how do i know matt? let me explain my six degrees of separation and what brought us together that infamous day.

the victim:

i graduate high school. move to lubbock and attend texas tech. start going to trinity church where our beloved shane barnard leads worship. i meet shane. shane meets matt. i meet shane then matt. shane has a brother justin. i meet justin. the very talented and underrated justin starts a burrito restaurant in lubbock much like that of a chipolte or freebirds. he calls it cilantros. and then there is dave. i can't forget him. dave is the first guy i meet at tech. he lives a few doors down in the dorms. dave and i become friends. justin and dave become friends. dave helps justin get the burrito shop started. within days, justin calls me and asks me if i would like to join his staff of qualified burrito architects and engineers. i say sure. now its a web of who knows who but the six degrees that are relevant to this particular day look like this. i know dave, dave knows justin, justin knows shane, shane knows matt, so matt obviously now knows me. i think that might only be five degrees but anywho.

now you're like "what's the point? i thought this was a story about a near death experience. not a list of how many people you know." i shall digress.

the weapon:

so i take the job at cilantros and what a job it is. because of my natural burrito making skills i advance in rank from burrito engineer and soon become head of product control. i get to cook everything. this business is young and we were constantly working out the kinks. one of those being the grill. this thing is a monster and working behind it is quite a task. this grill has an attitude of it's own and if you aren't careful it can push you around and singe your arm hairs. maybe even your eyebrows. ask dave about that one.

the place:

so cilantros is the place to be in lubbock. when ever big celebrities role through they have to stop at our shop. so naturally matt chandler has to stop by. lubbock is the belt buckle of the bible belt which makes a pastor like matt a celebrity. sad but true. so one very normal day at the burrito shop (or at least we thought normal) i'm working the grill with dave's assitance. lacy and little sara are crafting wonderful burritos, and we have a line out the door of salivating fans. one of those fans being matt. we're moving through the line pretty quick satisfying each patron with their custom made burrito. i'm wearing dave's bud light trucker hat tilted to the side and i'm kicking out shouts from behind the grill. tortillas are flying. matt's next in line wearing a big smile. a smile that would change in the very next minute.

it was nothing we could have planned. nothing we could have anticipated. but in a moment that happened so fast it seemed to stop time the grill breathed forth a flame that bridge the four foot span between the grill and the vent hood attached to the ceiling. at first i was mesmerized. my skin glowed orange from the wall of fire that was before me. it was beautiful. but then it got scary. the flames danced out of control. licking over the sides of the grill. by now they were getting dangerously close to the gas line. lacy and sarah continued to make burritos in an effort to reassure the customers that we had everything under control but we all knew we didn't.

here's the part of the story where i want to tell you that just as the flames burst forth and completely consumed the grill i jumped over the counter and tackle matt chandler to the floor as a ball of flame surged by just above us. but that didn't really happen. dave simply grabbed a fire extinguisher and hosed the grill down. the grill did suffer some permanent damage but that's about it. however, we did have to close for the day. we didn't think the burritos would taste as good coated with the discharge of the fire extinguisher. matt never got his burrito.

so that's the story about how i almost killed matt chandler. the jury is still out on the motive.