Jesus wept...
i pulled out my gray slacks from the closet and attempted to put them on. no amount of inhaling or sucking in of the stomach could get these pants around my waist. it has been a long time since i put on some nice clothes and with the selection in my closet it showed. i settled for the black pin-stripes i got from target and a dark green shirt. today i am going to my first funeral. a long time friend of the family died last friday from a sudden heart attack. right now i need to back track for a second as best as i can so that all this will make a little more sense.
my parents came to the great state of texas back in '77 or '78. my dad took a job with Texas Instrument after graduating college and with his new bride left family and friends in new jersey to pursue a new chapter in their life down in richardson, tx. in what i have understood to be a stormy season in their life God brought to them a wonderful couple haling from the chicago area in pursuit of a professional golf career down in dallas. the schindlers entered into my parents life and shortly there after Jesus enter also. a bible study formed which would include others but most importantly for this particular blog would include the brown family. kim and mary brown, bob and beth schindler, and my parents seem to have formed an incredible bond which was so evident this past week during the funeral events. i know that the first year or two before my birth and at least the first five years of my life my parents had a close friendship with these people i think mostly due to the fact that both the browns and my parents where now exploring the world in light of their new birth as christians. i can only draw from stories i have heard and very vague memories but i think this was a very exciting time for all of them. as time went by, more kids were born and families moved further apart, it became harder and harder to keep a close connection.
so when the news came to me saturday morning that kim brown had died that friday my heart sank. in one weekend a monsoon of memories separated by almost two decades came flooding back to my parents. a friendship that was mostly kept together by Christmas cards was now bittersweetly revived and reunited. the schindlers flew in from north carolina and stayed at our house for the weekend. the funeral would be held on tuesday.
what happened the next few days seemed too much like a movie. i felt as if i should have had a camera to capture the dialogue that transpired. a death in the family brings these couples back together and the importance of having and maintaining an unmasked, raw, honest, and caring friendship is realized. the schinlders entered back into our lives as if they had never been gone. even though it had been years since we had last seen them catching up with them didn't take long. there was something about this relationship that seemed so real, so authentic. as i sat in the back of the car and listened to my mom and "aunt" beth talk back and forth while we drove to the funeral i heard my mom commuicate in a way i am not sure i have heard her communicate with anyone else before. it's so hard to explain but there was a beautiful bond there. the same could be said with the browns. althought i wasn't around as much as my mom was that weekend i will never forget the exchange of words and the heartfelt expressions that occurred when we left the funeral reception at the brown's house. as we said goodbye, beth, mary, and mom stood around each other and confessed how much they wished they kept in better touch and how much each of our families have paralleled the other.
i realize more and more now that an authentic relationship with someone takes much effort to pursue. it takes honesty and a willingness to ask the hard questions that dig deep into someones life. it takes time. it's takes sacrifice. it takes love. it takes going out of your way and hanging up your desires for a moment to share in someone elses. at first glance it can seem hard but what i saw this weekend made it worth the pursuit. i am so thankful for what i got to see a glimpse of this weekend. i pray for mary brown, her two sons matt and jeffery and her daughter heather that they will find comfort and understanding in all of this. i know kim brown is now in heaven. the funeral was nice. i can't imagine what would be going through a non-christian's mind while sitting in a funeral. seems like it would be a pretty depressing experience.
which brings me to my next thought about last weeks events. during the drive back to my house after all the funeral events, my godfather, psuedo-uncle, and friend bob schindler and i discussed funeral events and how christians should view them. in my immaturity i told him that i want my funeral to be more like a celebration. a party more or less. no need to be sad. bob them began to talk about one of his favorite passages found in the book of john, chapter 11 which talks about Jesus raising lazarus from the dead. although Christ knew that Lazarus would "awaken" again, when he saw the jewish people gathering around the tomb weeping he was deeply moved and in the sortest verse in the bible verse 35 says, "Jesus wept." it seems that there is a time for mourning. that there is a time to be sad. kim brown will be missed and my heart weeps with the family but i rejoice knowing that he is in fellowship now with our creator and heavenly father.
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