Has it come to this? i am standing in a room with no place to sit. it's crowded. everyone's there but i am alone.
he's standing in front of me wearing a brown corduroy jacket and dark aviators. he's passing a note to a girl behind us. i say, why her?
he says, she's just the one i saw.
cool.
somehow i am the link between their conversation.
we are all rubbing shoulders now. our bodies getting pressed up against the stage.
next to me she is searching in her purse. pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. takes a drag and blows smoke towards the ceiling.
she yells at the band that she loves sex
i say, nice camera. she is using a canon ae-1 program. i have the same one.
she says her step-dad was a photographer for aerosmith.
great story.
i notice her shirt and i ask her if she has heard the new modest mouse cd.
yes, it's awesome.
behind me a tired girl rests her head on my back.
i tell her it will all be over soon. i don't know why she felt like my back would make a good pillow.
the music is flowing through the room now.
to my left is scarlett johansson or at least i thought she looked like her.
she tells me that centromatic is a promising band.
i think they sound kind of post-petty. maybe even a little country. i don't really care for the style but i tell her i enjoyed the show.
now death cab for cutie, the band i came to see, is up and creates a sound that moves the room and my soul dances for the next hour. scarlett's hair bobs back and forth as she sways to the music.
i close my eyes and for a moment forget about all the people pressed in around me.
i leave after death cab performs and step out into the warm night air. my ears buzzing, still filled with music, but outside its quiet. i smell like smoke. i'm alone again. i begin walking to my car. a girl stumbles down the side walk as her boyfriend takes pictures of her. hustlers are hustling the hustle; caught off guard.
as i sit in my car, neon signs and street lights walking by, i feel a peace. i feel good. i realize i am addicted to music. i put off school, work, maybe even friends to go listen to some music, and yet while neglecting the obvious constructs of our society, i experience a part of reality one could never be taught in school. i was able to connect with those around me through the music. it's amazing the effect music can have on you when it's in tune with the strings of your heart and those around you.
it has come to this.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Friday, April 23, 2004
Monday, April 19, 2004
Sunday, April 18, 2004
and they will know that we are christians by our t-shirts...
i've never really been a big fan of the whole door to door evangelism. to me it can seem so impersonal. the other day some J. W's came to my door with their program. i wanted so badly to just talk with them but every attempt at a conversation was cut short by them reciting their rehearsed scripture. i could hardly get a word in. i admire their courage and willingness to go around like that but to me it just seems so akward. i took a few tracks and sent them on their way.
so the other night i was hanging out in deep ellum with some friends and there were these guys with t-shirts reading christians on soul patrol standing outside the gates of concert. they where handing out what i could assume to be tracks. i didn't take one but instead told the first guy i am saved and the second one i encountered that i am a brother. neither one reacted but continued to hand out tracks to the next person. i guess i was kind of looking for a mini celebration or something with my new "christian" friends. you know, like a "no way, that's awesome" or maybe even a "praise God" from these guys. nothing. never even made eye contact with me. kind of bummed me out. even though what these guys where doing goes totally against my "what's with the tape on your nose" method, i'm not going to bash them for it. (maybe just their choice in t-shirt slogans) however, i will say that i have noticed in my life that when i come with my own agenda and set plans i just feel busy and burnt out. this is more of an aside thought than those said above but at any rate, i would be more prone to share a drink and conversation with someone than go door to door. i guess that's where the "my agenda" and personal relationship thing don't seem to match up to well in my life. i hate being busy. making time for other people is almost fuel for my life. lately i feel like i've been running a little low.
i've never really been a big fan of the whole door to door evangelism. to me it can seem so impersonal. the other day some J. W's came to my door with their program. i wanted so badly to just talk with them but every attempt at a conversation was cut short by them reciting their rehearsed scripture. i could hardly get a word in. i admire their courage and willingness to go around like that but to me it just seems so akward. i took a few tracks and sent them on their way.
so the other night i was hanging out in deep ellum with some friends and there were these guys with t-shirts reading christians on soul patrol standing outside the gates of concert. they where handing out what i could assume to be tracks. i didn't take one but instead told the first guy i am saved and the second one i encountered that i am a brother. neither one reacted but continued to hand out tracks to the next person. i guess i was kind of looking for a mini celebration or something with my new "christian" friends. you know, like a "no way, that's awesome" or maybe even a "praise God" from these guys. nothing. never even made eye contact with me. kind of bummed me out. even though what these guys where doing goes totally against my "what's with the tape on your nose" method, i'm not going to bash them for it. (maybe just their choice in t-shirt slogans) however, i will say that i have noticed in my life that when i come with my own agenda and set plans i just feel busy and burnt out. this is more of an aside thought than those said above but at any rate, i would be more prone to share a drink and conversation with someone than go door to door. i guess that's where the "my agenda" and personal relationship thing don't seem to match up to well in my life. i hate being busy. making time for other people is almost fuel for my life. lately i feel like i've been running a little low.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
to the future mrs. ledbetter
speaking of not being who you were twenty four hours ago, (thanks heather for the reminder and jon foreman for writing a great song) my beautiful sister pam got engaged last night. part of me sits back in the easy chair (that's the big green chair for those of you who have experienced that which is the big green chair) with the mindset that this was inevitable and now we just role with the tide. no big deal, it's just marrige, right? wrong! then there's the other part of me that gets absolutely floored by the fact that my little sister is getting married. i can't believe it. i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm very excited but... MARRIED! i feel so old now.
the thought was weird at first but now i can't wait to watch those two grow together. jon's a great guy and i regret not hanging with him more. i guess it's good that they are getting married. now jon and i can hang.
this will be fun.
speaking of not being who you were twenty four hours ago, (thanks heather for the reminder and jon foreman for writing a great song) my beautiful sister pam got engaged last night. part of me sits back in the easy chair (that's the big green chair for those of you who have experienced that which is the big green chair) with the mindset that this was inevitable and now we just role with the tide. no big deal, it's just marrige, right? wrong! then there's the other part of me that gets absolutely floored by the fact that my little sister is getting married. i can't believe it. i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm very excited but... MARRIED! i feel so old now.
the thought was weird at first but now i can't wait to watch those two grow together. jon's a great guy and i regret not hanging with him more. i guess it's good that they are getting married. now jon and i can hang.
this will be fun.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
this weekend started a little early for me. my class on thursday was canceled and friday was a school holiday.
thursday morning got off to a rough start. i usually meet with nathan for coffee but my alarm never went off. then i was going to get my "easter" hair cut but i couldn't find the new place i was going to try so that didn't happen either. then i went to work to the tune of a thousand screaming kids. well, really just 55.
friday got better. pam and jon came in for the weekend. it's always nice seeing those two. i went and got my "easter" hair cut and later that night some friends and i went to see matt wertz and dave barnes down at the gypsy tea room. those guys really cater to a chick crowd these days.
saturday i went bowling with my family. my mom scored super cool points because she owns pink bowling shoes. how many moms out there do you know who own pink bowling shoes. yea, my mom rocks. later my buddy wes hooked the two of us up with all-access passes to the christian youth weekend event at six flags. we got back stage with the dave crowder band. those guys rock my whole face right off. man, a day of pink bowling shoes and the david crowder band. i am blessed!
today after church i have done nothing but watch season three of friends and eat. i kind of feel gross. i think i'll go to bed.
thursday morning got off to a rough start. i usually meet with nathan for coffee but my alarm never went off. then i was going to get my "easter" hair cut but i couldn't find the new place i was going to try so that didn't happen either. then i went to work to the tune of a thousand screaming kids. well, really just 55.
friday got better. pam and jon came in for the weekend. it's always nice seeing those two. i went and got my "easter" hair cut and later that night some friends and i went to see matt wertz and dave barnes down at the gypsy tea room. those guys really cater to a chick crowd these days.
saturday i went bowling with my family. my mom scored super cool points because she owns pink bowling shoes. how many moms out there do you know who own pink bowling shoes. yea, my mom rocks. later my buddy wes hooked the two of us up with all-access passes to the christian youth weekend event at six flags. we got back stage with the dave crowder band. those guys rock my whole face right off. man, a day of pink bowling shoes and the david crowder band. i am blessed!
today after church i have done nothing but watch season three of friends and eat. i kind of feel gross. i think i'll go to bed.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Monday, April 05, 2004
the art of road trip
a few months back a crazy idea to see a switchfoot show both in austin and in dallas was brainstormed, and became a reality this past weekend. i love switchfoot. i think i infect or irritate pretty much anyone who comes in contact with me and my obsession. i'm just glad i was on that train before mandy moore sang their only hope song and meant to live was all over the radio and mtv. i'm so thankful that these guys "crossed over" into the secular scene, and so successfully too. did anyone happen to catch them on trl? so anywho, i spent this last weekend hanging out with some very cool people and listening to incredible music. the montage cast of characters included riskey business, absolutely wiggins, hello heather, butterworth, and spaceman seth. all to be joined later by some of austin's finest peeps.
road trips are amazing. or at least this one happened to be. to sum it all up a group of us traveled all the way down to austin to listen to switchfoot and stay up all night at a twenty-four hour coffeeshop getting to know each other. i want to say that we could have simply stayed in dallas and done the very same thing but i can't. we spent a total of nine hours in a car together, more if you include all the time we spent just cruising the drag with the windows down listening to outkast, trying to make the most of the two days all on a little more than two hours of sleep.
on the way back, in a state of blurred consciouness along with what sounded like a thousand crickets chirping simultaneously in my head, i gazed out the window and thought about what a great trip it had been and the friendships that where made and strengthened. i wondered about how long things like this last. would the six of us ever meet up again at the metro to enjoy each others company and a cup of coffee. i am doubtful but hopeful. i am hopeful that new roadtrips will come. new friendships will be made. old memories will remain, building up the walls of who we are, adding to our character.
if you're ever in a rut, wondering what in the world you are going to do in life or with your life, if you're unsure of your passions, your interests, and even your flaws, go on a road trip with others. the best way to find out about yourself is to spend time with others.
i want to say thank you to all those who went on the trip. i had a blast.
a few months back a crazy idea to see a switchfoot show both in austin and in dallas was brainstormed, and became a reality this past weekend. i love switchfoot. i think i infect or irritate pretty much anyone who comes in contact with me and my obsession. i'm just glad i was on that train before mandy moore sang their only hope song and meant to live was all over the radio and mtv. i'm so thankful that these guys "crossed over" into the secular scene, and so successfully too. did anyone happen to catch them on trl? so anywho, i spent this last weekend hanging out with some very cool people and listening to incredible music. the montage cast of characters included riskey business, absolutely wiggins, hello heather, butterworth, and spaceman seth. all to be joined later by some of austin's finest peeps.
road trips are amazing. or at least this one happened to be. to sum it all up a group of us traveled all the way down to austin to listen to switchfoot and stay up all night at a twenty-four hour coffeeshop getting to know each other. i want to say that we could have simply stayed in dallas and done the very same thing but i can't. we spent a total of nine hours in a car together, more if you include all the time we spent just cruising the drag with the windows down listening to outkast, trying to make the most of the two days all on a little more than two hours of sleep.
on the way back, in a state of blurred consciouness along with what sounded like a thousand crickets chirping simultaneously in my head, i gazed out the window and thought about what a great trip it had been and the friendships that where made and strengthened. i wondered about how long things like this last. would the six of us ever meet up again at the metro to enjoy each others company and a cup of coffee. i am doubtful but hopeful. i am hopeful that new roadtrips will come. new friendships will be made. old memories will remain, building up the walls of who we are, adding to our character.
if you're ever in a rut, wondering what in the world you are going to do in life or with your life, if you're unsure of your passions, your interests, and even your flaws, go on a road trip with others. the best way to find out about yourself is to spend time with others.
i want to say thank you to all those who went on the trip. i had a blast.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Open House
after 18 great years in this house my family has decided that it is time to move. so the past few weeks have been busy with trying to get our house into some kind of sellable condition. things have been crazy. last weekend we opened our house to the public both saturday and sunday. it was weird having complete strangers walk thru our house. things were cool at first until i showed a couple my room. "and here's my room." no big deal. just 18 years of my life. 18 years filled fill the memories of jumping of the top bunk while trying to avoid the ceiling fan, making rainy day forts with bed sheets, playing g. i. joes and listening to matt nelson make the coolest machine gun sound effects, building castles and pirate ships with legos, staring out my open window on a hot summer night watching the neighbors walk by with their pets. i remember pulling everything out of my closet just so i could hide in it and eat banana chips. or pulling everything out from under my bed so i could hide under it. everything was a "fort". 18 years filled with the memories of nerf battles being fought just inside of my room, of slumber parties and remote controlled race cars. of prayers with my parents just before bed, of making carpet angels or sharing a bed with my little sister because she is afraid of the thunderstorm. 18 years of nail holes and thumb tacks in the wall. 18 years of dreaming, drawing, creating, building, exploring, all in that room. 18 years of crying, laughing, and maybe being a little afraid of what's in my closet. 18 great years and i wish i could remember them all in detail but i can't right now because i need to go type a paper of the divine attributes and actions of God. maybe i'll remember some more things later.
after 18 great years in this house my family has decided that it is time to move. so the past few weeks have been busy with trying to get our house into some kind of sellable condition. things have been crazy. last weekend we opened our house to the public both saturday and sunday. it was weird having complete strangers walk thru our house. things were cool at first until i showed a couple my room. "and here's my room." no big deal. just 18 years of my life. 18 years filled fill the memories of jumping of the top bunk while trying to avoid the ceiling fan, making rainy day forts with bed sheets, playing g. i. joes and listening to matt nelson make the coolest machine gun sound effects, building castles and pirate ships with legos, staring out my open window on a hot summer night watching the neighbors walk by with their pets. i remember pulling everything out of my closet just so i could hide in it and eat banana chips. or pulling everything out from under my bed so i could hide under it. everything was a "fort". 18 years filled with the memories of nerf battles being fought just inside of my room, of slumber parties and remote controlled race cars. of prayers with my parents just before bed, of making carpet angels or sharing a bed with my little sister because she is afraid of the thunderstorm. 18 years of nail holes and thumb tacks in the wall. 18 years of dreaming, drawing, creating, building, exploring, all in that room. 18 years of crying, laughing, and maybe being a little afraid of what's in my closet. 18 great years and i wish i could remember them all in detail but i can't right now because i need to go type a paper of the divine attributes and actions of God. maybe i'll remember some more things later.
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