i'm done...

i just checked my grades online.
they're all in now and it's official.
i'm done with college.
i gotta tell you i feel sort of weird.
i spent a good five and a half years plugging away at this thing
and now it's over.
i'm done.
crazy.
i'm done.
amazing.
when i woke up this morning i could actually feel a difference.
i slept in a little longer.
on friday i walk the stage and get that piece of paper that will hang in my office and tell everyone that...
i'm done.

your love is better than wine...

Mish is gone tonight.
again.
she's enjoying the bachelorette party her good friends have given her.
they've been at it this whole weekend.
i miss her.
i can't wait until she gets back.
i won't see her until tomorrow.
i'm on my own tonight.
i think i'll go buy a cd.
maybe read.
or work on my finals for school.
my goal is to finish up by tuesday.
my college career is coming to a close.
amazing.
derek webb writes some pretty good songs now and again.
i'm listening to one right now.
something about your love being better than wine.
it's a beautiful song.
something about it makes me feel good.
it's refreshing.
it's freeing.
it lets me forget about any doubts or fears that might be hanging around in the back of my head.
just go listen to it.

So here's the deal. I'm reading this book called knowing God by J I Packer. At the end of one of the chapters he closes with this statement.

"The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor - spending and being spent - to enrich their fellow humans, giving time, trouble, care and concern, to do good to others - and not just their own friends - in whatever way there seems need."

So how will you spend Christmas this year?

I feel as believers if we really wanted to have a Christmas service we would hang a sign on the front door of our church saying, "sorry, we are not meeting here tonight because we are out serving the poor and hungry."

I think someone may have blogged about this a while back but here are my top six favorite shows I have seen along with the top six I would hope to someday get to experience.

in no particular order...

best shows I've seen as of late:
1. Broken Social Scene w/Feist @ Gypsy Ballroom, Dallas, Tx
2. Arcade Fire @ Austin City Limits, Austin, Tx
3. Death Cab for Cutie @ Trees, Dallas, Tx (i had my elbows on the stage for this one)
4. Mutemath @ Gypsy Tea Room, Dallas, Tx
5. David Crowder Band w/Shawn McDonald and Robbie Seay Band @ The Door, Dallas, Tx
6. Switchfoot @ Stubbs, Austin, Tx

Shows i would like to see:

1. Switchfoot acoustic show @ Canes, San Diego, Ca
2. U2 @ ANYWHERE!
3. Ethan Durelle on the rooftop of Gachet Coffee Lounge, Dallas, Tx
4. I wouldn't mind stealing some jazz in Europe
5. If Sigur Ros did a Christmas show I think I'd probably go.
6. Arcade Fire in a smaller venue

I know I'm probably missing some shows but I'll blog about them later.

I had a professor once make the statement that all truth is God’s truth. I've never really thought about that before. I like it. on brent’s student ministry blog he posted a quote from rob bell’s new book about being careful to label things “Christian” because we can blindly consume things that we think might be safe and acceptable without really testing it. I think the statement that all truth is God’s truth really applies here. What i mean is that often times there are things we come across in this world that we as the church would label secular but the reality is that it may speak more of God's truth than anything we might assume to be "Christian". I love knowing that God is not limited to what we find at mardels or family christian book store.

so i was thinking that today would be a good day to write a blog but i just got my eyes dilated and i can't really see what i'm doing. pretty excited about wearing those goofy sunglasses around. the doctor gave me some drops to speed up the process of getting my eyes back to normal. he said it should take about an hour. three and a half hours later i still have no color to my eyes. just two big black dots. do i have to go out in the sun?

i picked up my tux for pam's wedding. wait...PAM!!!!!
like, my sister?
this october don't get caught staring at the sun because
it's going to be a beautiful day when love comes to town.
a sort of homecoming where the streets have no name.
i'll be pourin' out a "40" with or with out you on a one tree hill cuz
in a little while you'll be stuck in a moment and you can't get out
but it's even better than the real thing when two hearts beat as one.
better than peace on earth is the promenade of grace that will follow
i wish the best for pam and john on their wedding day.

so right now i am thinking...

that these flip-flops i am wearing really have some pop to them.

did someone say mafia queso...

last weekend nathan and i made a trip out to lubbock to visit some friends of ours, brad and craig, who are freshmen out at Texas Tech. really i just gotta say thanks to those guys for the incredible weekend and for allowing nathan and i to re-live our glory days or as nathan kept refering to as the "walk of shame." we sort of just let that part go.

but i had a blast. what with our attempt at getting some sleep while camping out in buffalo springs canyon, to frisbee golf on campus and watching the football team throttle sam houston jr. high, to just hanging out at sugar browns coffee shop watching brad and craig slam raspberry white chocolate mocha blended frappes before the dust storm of '05 blew us back to the dorms. some events that transpired this weekend will only be released with the directors cut which won't be out until next year. what's said in lubbock, stays in lubbock if you know what i mean.

but i hope the guys had fun. there really are some gems in lubbock. you just have to dig a little to find them.

good luck to all those who are now freshmen in college. don't skip class too much. only when you really need to. and trust me, there will be days when you absolutely "need" to.

honey dews, cantaloupes, and creating that first space...

I think the dust has settled down now or at least i would like to think it has. it's been a week now since we've moved michelle into her new apartment. the place looks great. much nicer than i would have thought we could have come up with but the opening of ikea couldn't have come at a better time. i think i have put together every piece of furniture they have to offer.

it's funny, in about a hundred days this place will be our place. what a reality check. it's the second time in my life now i've had the realization that i am treading on unfamiliar ground. the first time was sitting outside a restaurant in vancouver with mish just two days after asking her to marry me. i gotta be honest it's scary. but so wonderful all at the same time. i can't wait to be married to her. she's amazing.

fun part...
michelle and i often kid each other about how we work better as a team. we realized this a while back playing video games at main event. we both can get pretty competitive. (i know by looking at me you would say "no way!")

one of my favorite parts...
so michelle is this incredibly creative and talent individual. among many other things. but she's really good at what she does. michelle is currently working on a project doing some graphics for this guy who is making sort of a historical park in brownfield, tx.

cool part...
the guy needed some architectural type drawings of some of the elements in the park so mish recommended using me.

really cool part...
so tuesday morning michelle and i are sitting in this guys dining room discussing the park project and troubleshooting design problems. i get to dust of my architecture skills. michelle is using her graphic design skills. and we are working together. as a team. i'm sitting there thinking that this is probably one of the most incredible things that i have ever gotten to be apart of. it's so much fun getting to share in each others lives that way. and we are both getting paid for it.

the talent crashers...

I was in silent protest about going and seeing the movie the wedding crashers simply because i feel that ever since the wilson brothers have hooked up with vince vaughn they've become nothing more than fast-food actors. i think old vince is bring'em down.

however, last night fellowship became the ruling party and i hauled off with brent, nathan, and a handful of some guys in our ministry who just graduated high school and will be leaving for college within the next two weeks. we went out to dinner and then saw a late showing of the wedding crashers. ok, i admit, i laughed. there were some funny lines. but i am sticking to my guns when i say that vince vaughn is over-rated and that owen wilson needs to start writing with wes anderson again.

she left a tear on my shoulder...

today michelle and i went up to irving bible to watch one of her students get baptized. michelle was overjoyed as she watched ashlin make a her faith all the more public. michelle had been praying that God would show her some sort of tangible growth in her girls. she really wanted to see something before she left. michelle will be leaving the high school ministry at ibc at the end of august and it will be difficult for her to stay in touch with the girls she has been ministering to over the year. many of which she has grown very close to. especially the one who was baptized. not too long after michelle started praying ashlin made the decision to get baptized. i'm so excited for the both of them. i'm so glad michelle got to see some of the fruits of her labor but more than anything i am totally jacked that ashlin was baptized today.

So do I have to go the speed limit when I pray in my car?

Foot-travelers see the world a different way...

So I met Anne Lamott yesterday. Well, not really, but maybe it could have been her sister. You see, there is this creek that runs through our neighborhood and I noticed some cat tails growing in it. I decided to walk over and grab a few. The reason being (and i don't know if it really works) is that if you light the ends of them they burn like a candle and keep the bugs away. They smell nice too. So as I'm passing by the creek I notice this young woman perched on a railroad tie and leaning against the wooden fence of a neighbor's backyard. She had tucked herself away beside the creek for some shade and a smoke break. I said hi and walked on a little further down the creek to collect the cat tails. I grabbed a handful and passed by her again as I was leaving. This time she spoke up first and asked me my name. Her name was Renee, not Anne. She had blond dreadlocks, traveled on foot, and was an environmental activist going door-to-door in our neighbor asking for support. Needless to say, after a short conversation I ended up giving $15 to The Texas Campaign for the Environment. You can check them out at Texas Environment. The irony of the story is that during our nice discussion about protecting the environment I'm pulling up cat tails and she's smoking. Two steps forward one step back I guess.

i ran over a squirrel yesterday driving to class. kind of bummed me out.

well i've been living out of a backpack for the last two weeks now.
or at least it feels that way.
since i've been back from mexico i spent the last week trying to prioritize my to-do list while this week's focus is the execution and follow through of said to-do list.
things are rolling well but deadlines seem to be creeping up on me. establishing the coffee shop in the dungeon has been an encouraging process so far. although slow going at times the church staff has been so supportive. i still can't believe all this is actually happening.

preparing for re-entry...

i'm staring at this blog and i am thinking that its in desperate need of a face lift. my links are idle, some of my blog'em buddies have come and gone, the tunes i'm spinning have spun out of tune. lets face it, this blog is sort of boring.

but i'm back now after spending a week in mexico and i'm ready to roll with summer. for a good summary on our mission trip check out brent's blog. but let me say that even though this was my fifth trip to mexico it never gets old. a group of us had some extra time one day so we took the opportunity to visit the homes and families we built the houses for last year. i couldn't believe it but after a year had gone by we were greeted with hugs and smiles from people who hadn't forgotten us. they showed us the improvements they made on the houses and their expressions spoke volumes of the hope we helped build. one family had added onto their house and was now running a small store out of the front half. the reality of our work sank in and i'm thankful that God broke the monotony and refreshed my perspective once again of why we go and build houses in mexico.

MEXCIO '05

check out our new pet!

this thing has been hanging around ever since it found a nest in our gutter with eggs in it .

i'm in trouble...

i'm already going into this week feeling like it's friday. that's no good. especially when it's monday.
i'm already scratching off classes in my head that i don't need to go to.
i'm already leaving some books at home. walking to class with nothing but a pen, pad, and ipod.
i'm frequenting starbucks more often then not.
i'm checking out.
i'm done.
i'll have about three weeks of no school before i hit the books again for summer school.
i can't wait.
but i'm feeling go0d.
got some floor plans to draw up tonight. a meeting to schedule for tomorrow to present the floor plans.
got some reading to do. a little studying for upcoming exams. bring it!

all we like sheep...

i was going to write this yesterday based on assumption,
based on what i thought i saw happen sunday night.
but instead i write it today with confirmation.
confirmation that God works despite how i feel.
confirmation that God will follow through with His plan.
confirmation that God is very much in love with His creation.
confirmation that He has called us each by name
and has a plan and purpose for our lives.
and despite what i thought was a lack of involvement on my part,
despite my plans, my actions, my intentions,
i saw God fill a room with a couple dozen teenagers
only so He could work on the heart of one individual.
just one.
some might see this as a waste of time.
a slow-going process with slow results.
but sunday night i saw the shepherd leave his ninety-nine sheep
so he could go find the one missing.
the one that was lost.

did i ever tell you about the time...

i almost killed matt chandler. no, seriously, i almost killed him. not intentionally i must say. i don't have anything against the guy, in fact i kind of like him, but there was a day in my life when our paths crossed and i almost lit him on fire. so let me explain.

for those of you who don't know matt or have not at least heard his name pass from the lips of a twenty-something evangelical don't feel too left out. he is currently pastoring a church in highland village, texas. he's young, he's fresh, and very popular with the college and young adult crowd. he's loud, he's tall, and you can't help but mimic his hand gestures while he preaches. how do i know matt? let me explain my six degrees of separation and what brought us together that infamous day.

the victim:

i graduate high school. move to lubbock and attend texas tech. start going to trinity church where our beloved shane barnard leads worship. i meet shane. shane meets matt. i meet shane then matt. shane has a brother justin. i meet justin. the very talented and underrated justin starts a burrito restaurant in lubbock much like that of a chipolte or freebirds. he calls it cilantros. and then there is dave. i can't forget him. dave is the first guy i meet at tech. he lives a few doors down in the dorms. dave and i become friends. justin and dave become friends. dave helps justin get the burrito shop started. within days, justin calls me and asks me if i would like to join his staff of qualified burrito architects and engineers. i say sure. now its a web of who knows who but the six degrees that are relevant to this particular day look like this. i know dave, dave knows justin, justin knows shane, shane knows matt, so matt obviously now knows me. i think that might only be five degrees but anywho.

now you're like "what's the point? i thought this was a story about a near death experience. not a list of how many people you know." i shall digress.

the weapon:

so i take the job at cilantros and what a job it is. because of my natural burrito making skills i advance in rank from burrito engineer and soon become head of product control. i get to cook everything. this business is young and we were constantly working out the kinks. one of those being the grill. this thing is a monster and working behind it is quite a task. this grill has an attitude of it's own and if you aren't careful it can push you around and singe your arm hairs. maybe even your eyebrows. ask dave about that one.

the place:

so cilantros is the place to be in lubbock. when ever big celebrities role through they have to stop at our shop. so naturally matt chandler has to stop by. lubbock is the belt buckle of the bible belt which makes a pastor like matt a celebrity. sad but true. so one very normal day at the burrito shop (or at least we thought normal) i'm working the grill with dave's assitance. lacy and little sara are crafting wonderful burritos, and we have a line out the door of salivating fans. one of those fans being matt. we're moving through the line pretty quick satisfying each patron with their custom made burrito. i'm wearing dave's bud light trucker hat tilted to the side and i'm kicking out shouts from behind the grill. tortillas are flying. matt's next in line wearing a big smile. a smile that would change in the very next minute.

it was nothing we could have planned. nothing we could have anticipated. but in a moment that happened so fast it seemed to stop time the grill breathed forth a flame that bridge the four foot span between the grill and the vent hood attached to the ceiling. at first i was mesmerized. my skin glowed orange from the wall of fire that was before me. it was beautiful. but then it got scary. the flames danced out of control. licking over the sides of the grill. by now they were getting dangerously close to the gas line. lacy and sarah continued to make burritos in an effort to reassure the customers that we had everything under control but we all knew we didn't.

here's the part of the story where i want to tell you that just as the flames burst forth and completely consumed the grill i jumped over the counter and tackle matt chandler to the floor as a ball of flame surged by just above us. but that didn't really happen. dave simply grabbed a fire extinguisher and hosed the grill down. the grill did suffer some permanent damage but that's about it. however, we did have to close for the day. we didn't think the burritos would taste as good coated with the discharge of the fire extinguisher. matt never got his burrito.

so that's the story about how i almost killed matt chandler. the jury is still out on the motive.

Salute your shorts...

I say bring on summer. Today I wore shorts so in celebration here is a little something I penned one summer as a lifeguard in southern California. If you have every been a lifeguard you know what I am talking about...

Whistle stops and belly flops,
Sunburn on my neck.
Horse fly bites,
And water fights
Throw-up on the deck.

I'm a lifeguard.

Walk, please.
Splash with ease.
Don't hang on the rope
Passive, active. Passing out
Kids think I am dope.

I'm a lifeguard.

CPR, check his pulse
Adjust and breathe again
Puncture wounds, splintered bones
Adjust and breathe again

I'm a lifeguard.

And you’re raising these twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
With all of my symphonies in twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I’m singing spirit take me up in arms with you

-jon foreman

i guess an apology is at hand. not that i really think the world is holding their breath and waiting for me to blog again but just humor me for a second. i am still stroking my ego from a recent entry which ushered in 121 posted comments. So I am writing this blog for you. To fill you in and bring you up to speed on what all has transpired since I last blogged. Some of the events I think might help justify my absence from the keyboard.

Since February 18 the following events have taken place:

As of march 2, 2005, I am wonderfully, beautifully, and graciously engaged to the most amazing woman I have ever known, Michelle parenteau. My limited vocabulary would not due justice to the depth of love I have for her and for the joy I feel when I am around her. Michelle is a gift of grace from God and I am so excited to be spending the rest of my life with her. This has been nothing I could have dreamed up on my own. God has blessed me beyond my dreams. I am thankful.

Another apology is due…

If you are finding out about my engagement through blog I am sorry. That was not my intention and please don’t feel left out. I called as many people as I possibly could but my time was limited because two days after being engaged michelle and I left the country.

For my spring break we decided to travel to Vancouver, Canada to visit michelle’s sister who is attending school there. We spent about a week there soaking up as much as we possibly could. Vancouver is amazing and i would highly suggest you give it a visit. We drove around downtown, ate outside at this restaurant and watched the sun set across the bay. We walked around stanley park, visited regent seminary, went snowboarding up at whistler, ate sushi, hung out at coffee shops, went to the aquarium, exchanged money and shopped, ate outside again, this time on another bay, and explored waterfalls on the side of the highway. We had a blast. And we are engaged! O my gosh! Crazy! Anywho, my cell phone didn’t work is Canada so some of you may have had to hear about the big news some other way. Again, I am sorry.

Lets see…what else?

I turned twenty-four on march 13. I’m a fifth year senior. I like long walks on the beach.

I have had this vision of a coffee shop type hangout in the youth room up at the church I work at and started to get the ball rolling on that. Things were a little slow going and we didn’t quite have the budget to get the equipment we would need right away. It was looking like we were going to have to really be patience on this one and trust God and His timing. We prayed about it. We all honestly thought we wouldn’t have anything until next year or at the earliest at the end of this summer. but last week a lady donated basically an entire coffee shop to our church. All we had to do was drive to enid, Oklahoma to pick it up and bring it back down to dallas. We now have more than I thought we would ever have. Amazing! Crazy! I’m blown away.

So needless to say things around here have been busy what with being engaged and all and turning over new leaves in our youth ministry. Please pray for michelle and I as we continue our journey together. Thanks for reading guys and I hope you are having a good day.
I love everybody.

eternal thoughts...

C.S. Lewis is quoted for having once said that the first thing a man will say when he gets to heaven and looks around will be the words "of course".

no more doubt.
no more fear.
no more pain, tears, or wasted years.
why? because it will all make sense.

and back by popular demand...

sapfest: part 1

(phone rings)
michelle: hello
steve: hey mish!
michelle: hi
steve: i love you
michelle: i love you too
steve: no, i love you more
michelle: no, i love you more
steve: ok. how has your day been?
michelle: good but i miss you
steve: i miss you too
michelle: i miss you more
steve: no, i miss you more
michelle: ok. so when am i going to see you.
steve: i'm leaving right now
michelle: get over here.
steve: i'm on my way. i love you. see you in a few
michelle: ok, i love you too.
steve: no, i love you
michelle: well, i love you more
steve: ok, i love you and i'm gonna go now
michelle: ok, love you, goodbye
steve: love you, goodbye
michelle: bye
steve: bye
michelle: you hang up first
steve: no you hang up first
michelle: ok, ready... love you, goodbye
steve: ok, love you, bye.
michelle: bye
steve: bye

a broken bumper is all that remains
and another life has just been claimed
in shattered glass
through unsettled past
i know this was never your aim
but you moved in haste
and caused such a waste
crunch time
pinch the dime
why is this always the case
but is there rest in this great rat race
or is it vain to slow down our pace
for what do we run
we must look to the Son
in Him there is peace, love and grace

isaiah 37:14-20...

then hezekiah took the letter from the hand of the messengers and read it, and he went up to the house of the Lord and spread the letter before the Lord. Hezekiah prayed to the Lord saying, "O lord of host, the God of Israel, who is enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. incline your ear, O Lord, and hear; open Your eyes, O Lord, and see; and listen to all the words of Sennacherib, who sent them to reproach the living God. Truly, O Lord, the kings of Assyria have devastated all the countries and their lands, and have cast their gods into the fire, for they were not gods but the work of men's hands, wood and stone. So they have destroyed them. Now, O Lord our God, deliver us from his hand that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone, Lord, are God.

O to be like Hezekiah
who brings his cares to the Lord
who when faced with the weight of the world
is anxious for nothing
but in everything brings it before the Lord
with trust, with prayer, with petition.
Who knows the reality of the one true God
the maker of heaven and earth


Lord reveal yourself to man, for that is man's deepest need.

wrestled you in high school?

this week at DBU has been "camp week". a week set aside for the promotion and recuting done by various christian camps in the surrounding area. my encounters with some of these various groups have been most pleasant and unfortunately with some quite irritating. one gentleman issued me a "challenge" by saying that if i go and find five lost kids off the streets ("now remember they have to be lost" he made sure to remind me) and bring them to his camp he would sponsor two of them. i told him i appreciated the offer but i felt like he was trying to sell me a used car. and he talked really close to my face. i hate it when people do that. especially when they keep inching their way closer and closer like they're going to give you a kiss and you keep having to inch backwards. i probably should have kissed him. just planted one on him. then maybe he would stop talking so close to people.

our beloved camp pine cove was representing in full force this week. my church has had a great relationship with the camp over the years so some i've gotten to know a lot of the full time staffers. robbie, who works over in shores, was here today and i talked with him for a while. he told me that the no agenda retreat we take our high school group on is his all-time favorite weekend ever. he also said that aside from the gospel message the no agenda retreat is the greatest thing to ever happen in youth minisrty history.

as we're talking a girl walks up with this "i know you from somewhere" look on her face. she introduces herself and we shake hands. after playing a quick game of six degrees of separation it turns out that i have made several of her burritos while i worked at cilantros burrito grill in lubbock. she studied biology at tech but hasn't used it yet while working full time at pine cove. she knew some other people i used to work with and she knows the this guy keith whose wedding i am going to this weekend. this world just keeps getting smaller.

fed by ravens...

in first kings chapter seventeen the prophet elijah hits the scene and tells everyone that its not going to rain until he says so. nice entrance. so now that the ball is rolling for elijah and his new prophet gig, God tells him to go and hang out in the wilderness for a few, drink from a stream and be fed by ravens. i can't help but wonder what might be going on in his head. i know if it were me i would be saying, "but God, we're just getting started here. didn't you call me to go and speak to these people? why are you sending me to the wilderness?"

i can't help but think that often times in ministry God sends us into the wilderness for a period of time. when the fruit of our labor isn't as evident and the work isn't as tangible. we are provided for in unattractive ways such as by ravens or simple things like the stream. these times can seem confusing but i must remember that the Lord knows the plan for my life even when i don't. plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give me a future and a hope.

like the psalmist i pray that it is the Lord and not i who establishes the works of my hands.

7 am...

i pulled into the bright red glow of the metal river and joined the masses commuting to their mc-jobs this morning. today is the first day of my mini-term at dbu. this week i have the privilege of joining the rest of corporate america's schedule by working an eight to five. i get ten minute breaks throughout the day and an hour for lunch. then i am off by five. unfortunately after going over the syllabus for the first half of the day i realize now that my mini-term experience will be spent in the city that never sleeps. dbu has adopted a new york lifestyle. at least for this week. things are going to be pretty busy.

i think i have just been too inspired to write...